Bankruptcy..

.

A fifteen year old, seeing the court for the first time in his life, was made to stand in the witness box, in a case of - a parent against a parent. Now, you and me cannot comprehend the dilemma in the child's mind. No-one except the child himself.

The child wished there was a lot more love in this world. And a lot more peace, though he hadn't seen any of those in his fifteen years. Now he had to make a choice. Options were two. He had to choose one of those two options. Very simple. But a very very complicated equation.

He stood there to help the judge make the decision. Watever the judge would decide, woud be life altering for him. He wished mom would win and take him. But he wished his dad did not loose. He couldnt imagine how it would be to see his cold hearted father crumble. He wished he was not there at all. He wished he was not born at all.

He weighed his options. He couldnt see the consequences clearly. After all, he was never left to make his decisions in all his fifteen years. If he helped his mom win, there was some hope of life. Some hope of unseen love. Even after that if the dad took him, no way he could live after that, he thought. And just in case, he helped his dad win, there was no way he could live either. One opportunity had just slipped away few days earlier. How happy i was that day, he thought. Tears just kept rolling down his cheeks without control.

His thoughts were interrupted when the lawyer approached him. He wiped his tears with the back of his hands. Even though the court room was full of people, who were curious to know what would happen next, there was pin drop silence when the lawyer started the enquiry.

Words did not come out of him at all. He just nodded the yes-es and no-es. Tears continued to roll down. He did not dare to look at his mother's worrisome eyes. He did not look at his father's cold eyes either. Was there any emotions behind those cold eyes.. everyone wondered.

The judge was left baffled. He could not decide. He could not write a verdict. The situation demanded something which was not in the law book. And he had never written such a thing so far. That was the first case, the judge had left the decision to the warring parties. First time where he did not write a verdict. Where things took its own course of action.

That day the kid was free to move to a new world. He was not filled with awe at whatever he saw. He did not rejoice at the new found freedom. He did not jump and run like other kids. He could not comprehend the gravity of the situation. He had lost the will to live. He was scarred for life.

Even today, i find him searching for that warmth and affection, which he did not see in his early life. I wish there was a lot more love and peace for him in this world.

.

Unravelled..

.

Finally, i am feeling at peace with myself. I found the answer/the truth that i was looking for all these months.

The months of ordeal, months of "what did i do?" "what did i possibly do?" has been answered. Not just answered; clarified beyond doubt. No. I dint hear any lame story from anyone. People can be a tad selfish, a little manipulative or tweak few things to suit them, you see. So, I just found out the truth myself. Period.

Truth has a power of healing everything. Truth is just magic - i must say. For everything is falling into place now. Ones i dint know, things which i was wondering, things which some people couldn’t tell me... everything..

I am happy i found the root cause. Forget about what followed. It doesn’t matter now. It was just an avalanche of reactions that followed the first word. Everything was selectively fed. Everything was triggered. Everything was conspired, executed and lo, there it was.

There is this concept in Neural Networks, where intelligence is fed into the neural brain. A training set is formed using selective inputs depending on the output desired from it. The neural brain learns through these training set. The more the training sets for a particular output, more accurate is the behaviour. But the brain crashes, when there is an input of unknown type when it is left to fend for itself. It’s plain confused as to what to do and what not. I just came to know how relevant artificial intelligence is in humans also.

I am happy i played it fair. You might not agree with me, but i know and God knows. I played it alone. Never mind, becoz i still played it fair. Unfortunate, that no-one did play any better.. But i wouldn't want to comment on that. Because its up to others. Whether they play by rules or frame their own rules. . On second thoughts, might be I didn’t play fair by others scale. Might be everyone was right. Might be everyone was wrong. Everyone has a point here. Circumstances would have had a bigger role to play. Anyways, what matters now is the feeling/ satisfaction i derive from the fact that i tried my level best for good. On the way i learnt that silence is not golden!! Speak right, speak appropriate. By right and appropriate i mean, things what others WANT to hear. Not what you want to tell!! Don’t be very honest. Straight trees are cut first. Remember?


Definitely i could have done few things better. I have done few wrong things at the wrong time. But i never thought it to be that catastrophic. As the saying goes even faint strokes can fell a huge oak tree, (when the winds are very strong i should add :))..

So here we are guys.. A new, happy, relieved and peaceful me learning few more lessons, becoming a little more wiser and eager for some more experiences!!

.

watta find!!

.

Hate circuit of the brain identified - TOI Thursday, Oct 30, 2008

Brain scans of people shown images of individuals they hated revealed a pattern of brain activity that partly occurs in areas also activated by romantic love - Semir Zeki and John Paul Romaya of University College London.

Hmmm.. Now i understand many a people who hate me.. err.. love me is it?..

.